A Shakespearean Sonnet About Dollar Drink Night


Alas!  ‘Tis my favorite eve of the week
the night upon which I may drink for cheap
and be merry with very lovely damsels indeed
it’s the night I’m allowed due to financial creed
to afford these beauties the gift of a drink
for I cannot any other night of the week

Dollar Drink Night at Opal’s my most favored event
for a dollar is all that I care to spend
a dollar for beer and a dollar for well
in an hour these dollars will make me feel swell
as well as my friends who partake in the fun
together we’ll make this night a home run

But of course, ere we leave for tonight’s carouse
we must first pre-game back at the house
for thine’s own hath a bottle of Jim Beam to deplete
‘twas a gift from the trunk of my father’s jeep
indeed it shall save us a dollar or two
which surely we’ll spend on a damsel or few

Our casino arrival calls for a stop at HQ
to examine the scene and get a good view
of the people and ladies with whom we shall mingle
and assess the chances of us staying single
surely the drinks will cost a bit more
but ‘tis worth this endeavor which we must explore

Now entering Opal for the height of the night
crowds roll dense with drunkards and those who are high
we force our way through to get to the bar
where our watered-down fare only takes ‘bout an hour
now it is time to make moves for the floor
where we’ll awkwardly dance and attempt to score

“Good evening, mademoiselle, how are thou this fine eve?
I prithee ask if thou care to dance with me
to this fine rendition of ‘Turn Down for What’
for the bass has inspired my desire to trot
with your beauty and grace on this sticky dance floor
and when thou hath finished thy drink, would my beloved care for one more?”

The eve soon becomes but a blur in my mind
as dollar drinks take reign of my judgement and time
soon I reek of spilt cocktails and cigarette smoke
and all the dollars I’ve brought have left me for broke
there’s not a lady in sight, it seems they have all gone
and the flickering lights tell me this night is done

So stumble I shall back home all alone
whence I came with high hopes, as well as a phone
both I have lost through the course of this night
once again I’m faced with this familiar plight
oh well, there’s always next Thursday to seek
yes, Dollar Drink Night at Opal – my favorite night of the week!

*disclaimer: this is not a proper sonnet as the use of iambic pentameter was not employed.

(Imitation) Sonnet by Jangles

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