F.O.M.O. (Fear Of Missing Out) noun.—social angst characterized by a desire to stay continually connected with what’s going on around them.
Ok, if you’re feeling left out on what’s happening around town, here’s the scoop…
MASSIVE MOOSE HEAD MISSING! $1000 REWARD IF FOUND!
CODE RED, CODE RED!
A massive moose head has recently gone missing from the lobby of Sunnyside lodge of Tahoe City.
That’s right. Some posse of kids managed to swipe a 5 ft wide, 200 lb moose head from a popular restaurant, load it onto the back of a truck (cuz how else would you cruise off with the thing?), and drive across town without anyone batting an eye (“Oh look, Dolores, looks like these guys are already working on their Burning Man setup for next year. How lovely!”)
Oh, and here’s the kicker. It’s NOT EVEN REAL!
Deducing from the evidence provided, these thieves:
a) have way to much time on their hands and were on a mission for an epic prank.
b) are amateurs who did no research at all before investing massive amounts of time to rob a FAUX MOOSE HEAD!
c) have some weird, underground deal with the popo who enabled a flawless execution.
Either way, the moose is on the loose and now there’s a 1000 reward if found or turned in! So if you’ve got some old college debt to pay off, or want to just really make it rain on the girls over at the gentleman’s club this weekend, here’s your chance to make a quick buck.