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A Gaper’s List of Backpacking Essentials

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Bro, do you even camp? I’ll tell you what you need for that backpacking trip your planning once you get to Tahoe. You’re only there once a year, so make it count, bro.

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Don’t settle for those rinky-dink bivys you see other backpackers using on the trail! Show them how you kill it in the great outdoors AND live in the lap of luxery with this epic tent fit for a king… or ten! TONS OF ROOM(S) FOR ACTIVITIES! Like watching your favorite movies on your iPad while your sherpa cooks up dinner on the George Foreman in the adjacent room.

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These hiking heels will ensure you or your lady don’t have to forsake looking damn good while out in the wild wilderness! Waterproof with great traction, make that trail your runway, betch! Because let’s be real…you’re sexy and you know it, and so will everyone on your Instagram once you get back into town! #camping #stillhott #somuchnature #ilovemylife #ilovemyhikingheels #yourejustjealous

Screen Shot 2015-07-02 at 11.23.10 PMWhy settle for roasting one marshmallow when you could roast THREE!. Don’t be like other “regular” campers who have to roast one marshmallow at a time using a measly stick that probably came from a tree or something. Gross. After building a massive campfire with that pressed wood you had your sherpa bring out, whip this bad boy out and make sure you talk extra loud about what a marshmallow roasting machine you are so nearby PCT hikers turn green with envy.

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Happy hour anyone? Show everyone on the trail you know how to have a good time in Margaritaville by toting along this hand-powered blender. Where do you get the ice from? Rolling cooler + sherpa = all the ice and booze you need for your excursion into the great unknown. Party on, wayne!

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Dude, did you know there aren’t even porta-pottys in the woods? Yeah, crazy, right! Who’s idea was that anyway? There’s no way I’m going burn my legs out by popping a squat, and neither should you! With this fine gem you’ll be able to drop the kids off at the pool in privacy from animals who are probably watching. Freaks.

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