— By Jangles—
1. YO MOMMA AT LIVE AT LAKEVIEW.
a)Yo Momma Near the Stage
Yo Momma loves live music, but Yo Momma’s hard of hearing . If Yo Momma attends all ten Live at Lakeview events of this summer, but arrives three hours late on two Thursdays (because Yo Momma so slow), two hours late on another (because Yo Momma can’t tell time), but perfectly on time for the rest, then how many of the shows does Yo Momma actually get to hear taking into account Yo Momma needs to be within 30 ft of the main stage to hear the performers.
(Keep in mind each hour of tardiness costs Yo Momma 20 ft. of distance from the stage because Yo Momma too fat to squeeze through the crowd).
c) Yo Momma in the Beer Garden
Yo Momma loves the Live at Lakeview beer garden, but Yo Momma too impatient to wait in line for her pitcher of Blue Moon. Sunset is in 10 minutes, and Yo Momma wants to be near the stage for it. The line consists of 13 people, moving at a pace of about 33 seconds a person.
Yo Momma manages to bribe two people with a bag of peanuts to let her ahead of them, an additional two just leave the line (because Yo Momma smells so bad), and three allow Yo Momma to move ahead of them out of fear because they mistook her for a sasquach. Unfortunately, Yo Momma so clumsy that she trips over a misplaced grain of sand, thus costing her three minutes (because Yo Momma’s slipped, fallen, and can’t get up).
How many beers does Yo Momma end up purchasing?
B) Yo Momma at the Taco Truck
Yo Momma’s right up against the stage at one of the Live at Lakeview shows when she decides she wants to go to the taco truck. Unfortunately, Yo Momma too fat to weave through the crowd, so Yo Momma decides to just steamroll over six people.
If Yo Momma purchases twenty tacos at 3$ each, but decides to pay in loose change, then how long of a line accumulates behind Yo Momma while she clumsily counts her currency to pay for her tacos, taking into account Yo Momma doesn’t know how to count and drops approximately 10% of the coins on the ground.
Bonus: How many grams of dignity does Yo Momma have left after realizing she actually doesn’t have enough money to purchase the tacos?
2. YO MOMMA ON HIGHWAY 50
It’s 3:15 p.m. and Yo Momma’s traveling west on highway 50 moving at approximately 35 miles an hour towards Grocery Outlet. On the way Yo Momma decides to make a pit stop at Rude Brothers Bagel Shop to purchase 25 bagels with extra cream cheese, a double Rude Awakening (two breakfast sandwiches stacked on top of each other), and a strawberry smoothie, totaling her caloric intake at 7,467.
Yo Momma then decides to pop into Sprouts Cafe to grab a nacho plate and ten cookies to-go, the additional purchases totaling at 2,540 calories.
If Yo Momma hastily consumes the nacho plate and cookies on her way to GO, with 10% of the food dribbling down her chin and onto her lap (because Yo Momma so sloppy), then how many calories does she actually consume?
Also, at what time does Yo Momma arrive to GO if her uncontrollable snacking causes her to drive 6 m.p.h. slower?
3. YO MOMMA AT KIVA BEACH
Yo Momma decides to go to Kiva Beach for the day to perform her finest rendition of a beached whale. Upon Yo Momma’s arrival, there are 8 german shepherds, 6 golden retrievers, 5 black labs, one red nosed pit and a half a chihuahua (a two-legged trooper) present .
Within the first hour of Yo Momma laying out, 30% of the dogs kick sand in Yo Momma’s face (because Yo Momma so ugly), 10% mark their territory on Yo Momma’s left leg after confusing it for a fallen tree, 36% lay down next to her (because Yo Momma so fat she offers an abundance of shade), and 50% of the dogs sniff her hiney in hopes it’s a stack of ham-hocks.
If this average increases by 10% each hour as more dogs arrive to Kiva Beach, then how many dogs per hour for the next three hours are kicking sand, peeing, taking shelter, and sniffing on Yo Momma?
Additionally, if Yo Momma’s tolerance registers at about a 7.3, how many hours does Yo Momma tolerate this abuse?
4. YO MOMMA AT DOTTY’S CASINO
Yo Momma spends an average of seven nights a week exhausting her social security checks away at the Casinos at Stateline. Yo Momma’s favorite slot machine is Crazy Cats located inside Dotty’s Casino, which costs an average of about 7.96$ an hour to play (not including the additional 4.88$/hr for cigarettes, 9.32$/hr for double gin and tonics, and 1.82$/hr of dropped quarters (because Yo Momma clumsy and too lazy to pick them up).
If Yo Momma spends an average of 4 nights a week at Dotty’s Casino, at approximately 8 hours each visit, but gets kicked out at twice a month for her terrible gas, then how much money a month does Yo Momma spend playing Crazy Cats?
Bonus: Why Yo Momma so gassy?
5. YO MOMMA FEEDS BEARS
Yo Momma so dumb she leaves her trash outside in full access to the bears and coyotes. Yo Momma’s average can is filled with 23 empty Doritos Bags, 19 empty pizza boxes, 8 half-empty bins of ice cream, and a completely full bag of green beans that you got Yo Momma for Christmas three years ago (Yo Momma hates veggies), thus establishing about a 98% chance a massive black bear and at least three coyotes come for a tasty midnight treat.
However, at approximately 10:15 Yo Momma realizes that she forgot to get the mail, so Yo Momma walks out to find these wild animals feasting on her leftovers. Yo Momma so ugly she scares all but one critter away, the black bear, who is frozen in fear at the sight of Yo Momma’s face.
What are the chances that a letter from American Idol is in Yo Momma’s mailbox?
*Disclaimer: No actual math was used in the making of these world problems. We will not be held responsible for individuals actually becoming WORSE at math after attempting these.